Lest We Forget
Melancholy day. Started out with very wet snow, progressed on to rain yet now, the most beautiful copper sunset. Seems as though the day has matched my mood.
Twenty two years ago, we were expecting our fourth baby. My pregnancy was troubled with lots of sickness, partly due to gall bladder issues that were magnified by the estrogen heavy hormones in my body. With three toddlers, there was not much time to be sick and I mostly ignored the troubles.
We moved to a new community when I was in my 6th month. There were some amazing new friends, a terrific church and support galore. Our oldest started Kindergarten and my man became a Grade 6 teacher--something new for everyone. I started work at a Christian book store on Saturdays, a nice diversion and a bit of extra income. We set our house for sale, knowing that with this expansion coming in December, we should prepare by expanding our number of rooms.
As November neared, our house sold and it was time to find another. An offer was made and we packed up all of our belongings. Days before we had to move, the offer fell through on our new home. Sad, we started at square one. Because we were so busy with moving and toddlers and school and all that life brings, I was totally unaware of the changes that were now happening in my body. A dear friend offered to take the kids one day, November 10th, so I could have a day to do banking, to do packing and to simply do it on my own. But when I went home from her home, I had the nagging thought that I had not felt my otherwise busy baby move much. Later that afternoon, we went to my now weekly doctors' appointment, where I mentioned this. We tried to find the heartbeat by doppler. When that did not work, we tried by ultrasound. The ultrasound found that baby's heart was no longer beating. We picked up our kids and went home to wait for labour to begin.
The peace that I was flooded with is nothing short of God's work. We let our children know that the baby I was carrying would not come home with us, but would be joining God. Our sweet 3 year old asked if he would be born with wings on. What a precious picture! By midnight, I was in labour. We called our dear friend and pastor, who came over and cared for our children while we went to the hospital.
By noon on November 11, 1989, Devon Joel was born to us. He was tiny, perfect and still.
Each year on this day, I think of the quilt prepared for him, nestled in my closet. Sometimes I take it out and rock in my chair with it. Sometimes, we make a birthday cake. Sometimes, like today, we have a family breakfast together, celebrating our family just the way it is and thinking of our own angel, watching from above.
We wonder at times, what if, but I know beyond a doubt that God is sovereign and knows exactly why and what and who and how, even when I don't. Adn you know what? I am grateful!
Twenty two years ago, we were expecting our fourth baby. My pregnancy was troubled with lots of sickness, partly due to gall bladder issues that were magnified by the estrogen heavy hormones in my body. With three toddlers, there was not much time to be sick and I mostly ignored the troubles.
We moved to a new community when I was in my 6th month. There were some amazing new friends, a terrific church and support galore. Our oldest started Kindergarten and my man became a Grade 6 teacher--something new for everyone. I started work at a Christian book store on Saturdays, a nice diversion and a bit of extra income. We set our house for sale, knowing that with this expansion coming in December, we should prepare by expanding our number of rooms.
As November neared, our house sold and it was time to find another. An offer was made and we packed up all of our belongings. Days before we had to move, the offer fell through on our new home. Sad, we started at square one. Because we were so busy with moving and toddlers and school and all that life brings, I was totally unaware of the changes that were now happening in my body. A dear friend offered to take the kids one day, November 10th, so I could have a day to do banking, to do packing and to simply do it on my own. But when I went home from her home, I had the nagging thought that I had not felt my otherwise busy baby move much. Later that afternoon, we went to my now weekly doctors' appointment, where I mentioned this. We tried to find the heartbeat by doppler. When that did not work, we tried by ultrasound. The ultrasound found that baby's heart was no longer beating. We picked up our kids and went home to wait for labour to begin.
The peace that I was flooded with is nothing short of God's work. We let our children know that the baby I was carrying would not come home with us, but would be joining God. Our sweet 3 year old asked if he would be born with wings on. What a precious picture! By midnight, I was in labour. We called our dear friend and pastor, who came over and cared for our children while we went to the hospital.
By noon on November 11, 1989, Devon Joel was born to us. He was tiny, perfect and still.
Each year on this day, I think of the quilt prepared for him, nestled in my closet. Sometimes I take it out and rock in my chair with it. Sometimes, we make a birthday cake. Sometimes, like today, we have a family breakfast together, celebrating our family just the way it is and thinking of our own angel, watching from above.
We wonder at times, what if, but I know beyond a doubt that God is sovereign and knows exactly why and what and who and how, even when I don't. Adn you know what? I am grateful!
*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI love you, Judi.