Positives and Negatives

Last posting, many commented. Thank you for your kind words! This discipline of positive, of gratitude, is being tested. I had my heart set on something, made a great proposal and gave it my all. Shot down. Completely. Not even part way, half way, it was all or nothing. I am finding this is taking a big toll on me! My psyche is suffering! My sadness is lingering too long and I find myself wondering if I am wallowing in self-pity? For me, that is an unusual state. Depression is nearly unknown and, though I feel angry at injustice, I rarely feel sad. But yesterday and today, I feel sad! Like I said to my man last night, perhaps I should find an Extreme Makeover Home Edition show on TV so I can have a good cry!! Today, the feeling is lingering. It affected the music for me at church and I was really glad for communion today! Fellowship, encouragement and coming to the end of my self. I need more of that!
Today's message was on how we keep our buckets of peace and happiness filled. Both of these seem to be best if shared rather than hoarded. that makes me realize this is true of so much! Gratitude is also an example! Giving thanks means more grows! There is more to be thankful for, more to find the blessing in.
So today, the day after my 28th Anniversary, I would like to start with my husband. He knows me best, loves me despite my shortcomings and my bad attitudes because he knows my heart. He gave me the loveliest family. He taught our children some amazing things about personal discipline and loyalty. He has shown our kids what it means to be dedicated to 'long term commitment' and will hopefully watch it to fruition in their lives too.
I am thankful for our family, the fruit of our marriage. Watching them grow into adulthood, to see the lives they are choosing, the partners they are committing to, the values they hold. I love them so very much! The beginning of our second generation has also started. He is so sweet. He loves to sing, loves stories and is so very teachable, like a sponge. We are praying for his little heart, that he will absorb the love of the Lord.
Just putting these words to the proverbial paper is helping. The bucket is filling, I am find some peace, some joy and most of all, some gratitude. The journey is a long one, but I know it is more than worthwhile.

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