Procrastination
I am doing everything I can not to do the one thing I need to. I hate that! It has been a good and busy day, full of good stuff! The local youth community garden project had a $10 fill-your-bag with produce you pick day! So, for $20, I filled two bags with tomatoes and basil and carrots (tri-coloured!), beets, hot peppers, broccoli and a mid-sized pumpkin. My hands are stained with dirt and it feels so very good!
Thing is, I am not usually a procrastinator! I don't like the pressure of deadlines, so I often work at things until they are done, just to have them out of my way. This new turn? I am not liking it so much! I have had a lovely project on my plate since mid-July. Soon after taking it on, we left for a 4 week holiday--and I have just not been able to get it done since! Strange part is, I love the work itself! But I think, at the heart of it, I am scared I will fail, not do a good job or let my mentor down. In thinking that way, I have allowed myself to put this off over and over, afraid of what others think once again! Just putting this into print in front of myself helps me see how very foolish it is. Intrinsic motivation would tell me that I should do this for the personal value and satisfaction it would bring, no matter how it would appear to others. Am I afraid of letting myself down? Am I concerned that I am not cut out for the job I am taking on? Let's see..!
I love birth. I am fully trusting that we have a Master Designer at work Who has made us fearfully and wonderfully. I really enjoy seeing the lights come on for someone who 'gets' what I am teaching. Others tell me I make sense, that I facilitate learning. I understand the facts and evidence about natural, normal birth, enough to create a passionate argument for a point of view. So, what am I afraid of?
Next week, I am to facilitate two sessions on The Purpose and Value of Continuous Labour Support for a group of my peers. Terrifying! But exciting as well! I want to make it interesting and useful--and have 90 minute sessions! I will be using the same information for a Doctor's Medical Rounds toward the end of October. Funny thing is, the very thing I am procrastinating about is putting together my Birth Doula Trainer curriculum.The very thing I will be giving 3 training sessions on in the next few weeks. Am I passionate about it?? You bet! So, I guess I should get to work!!
1 Chronicles 28:20-21
David continued to address Solomon: “Take charge! Take heart! Don’t be anxious or get discouraged. GOD, my God, is with you in this; he won’t walk off and leave you in the lurch. He’s at your side until every last detail is completed for conducting the worship of GOD. You have all the priests and Levites standing ready to pitch in, and skillful craftsmen and artisans of every kind ready to go to work. Both leaders and people are ready. Just say the word.”
So, I should get to work. I need to set a completion date for myself--one that I can keep!! I keep running into my own walls, my own way of talking myself out of finishing. I know it will feel so much better to be done, too! Will you help me? I set the date of October 4 to have it in the mail! I need to, because the very next day, I leave for a very important date! My lovely daughter, the bride-to-be is closer than ever to being the bride! We will meet with family and friends for the wedding of our girl, that step in her life journey, the leave and cleave one. We have confidence that it will be a wonderful event, joyful and full of beauty.
The next two days are also important events. My parents will each celebrate birthdays. My mom's is first, then Dad will make the 3/4 century mark! What an amazing accomplishment! Cards were even sent on time this time--I seem to be having trouble with that recently! A wee package, so here's hoping that Canada Post is on my side!
Another day is done. Accomplishment and joy fill this home. Peace and a sense of well-being need to mark my path so that I can take care of the tasks at hand! And I will set procrastination packing! It is helpful to write it out, since it shows me how powerless it truly is. And for that, I am grateful!
Thing is, I am not usually a procrastinator! I don't like the pressure of deadlines, so I often work at things until they are done, just to have them out of my way. This new turn? I am not liking it so much! I have had a lovely project on my plate since mid-July. Soon after taking it on, we left for a 4 week holiday--and I have just not been able to get it done since! Strange part is, I love the work itself! But I think, at the heart of it, I am scared I will fail, not do a good job or let my mentor down. In thinking that way, I have allowed myself to put this off over and over, afraid of what others think once again! Just putting this into print in front of myself helps me see how very foolish it is. Intrinsic motivation would tell me that I should do this for the personal value and satisfaction it would bring, no matter how it would appear to others. Am I afraid of letting myself down? Am I concerned that I am not cut out for the job I am taking on? Let's see..!
I love birth. I am fully trusting that we have a Master Designer at work Who has made us fearfully and wonderfully. I really enjoy seeing the lights come on for someone who 'gets' what I am teaching. Others tell me I make sense, that I facilitate learning. I understand the facts and evidence about natural, normal birth, enough to create a passionate argument for a point of view. So, what am I afraid of?
Next week, I am to facilitate two sessions on The Purpose and Value of Continuous Labour Support for a group of my peers. Terrifying! But exciting as well! I want to make it interesting and useful--and have 90 minute sessions! I will be using the same information for a Doctor's Medical Rounds toward the end of October. Funny thing is, the very thing I am procrastinating about is putting together my Birth Doula Trainer curriculum.The very thing I will be giving 3 training sessions on in the next few weeks. Am I passionate about it?? You bet! So, I guess I should get to work!!
1 Chronicles 28:20-21
David continued to address Solomon: “Take charge! Take heart! Don’t be anxious or get discouraged. GOD, my God, is with you in this; he won’t walk off and leave you in the lurch. He’s at your side until every last detail is completed for conducting the worship of GOD. You have all the priests and Levites standing ready to pitch in, and skillful craftsmen and artisans of every kind ready to go to work. Both leaders and people are ready. Just say the word.”
So, I should get to work. I need to set a completion date for myself--one that I can keep!! I keep running into my own walls, my own way of talking myself out of finishing. I know it will feel so much better to be done, too! Will you help me? I set the date of October 4 to have it in the mail! I need to, because the very next day, I leave for a very important date! My lovely daughter, the bride-to-be is closer than ever to being the bride! We will meet with family and friends for the wedding of our girl, that step in her life journey, the leave and cleave one. We have confidence that it will be a wonderful event, joyful and full of beauty.
The next two days are also important events. My parents will each celebrate birthdays. My mom's is first, then Dad will make the 3/4 century mark! What an amazing accomplishment! Cards were even sent on time this time--I seem to be having trouble with that recently! A wee package, so here's hoping that Canada Post is on my side!
Another day is done. Accomplishment and joy fill this home. Peace and a sense of well-being need to mark my path so that I can take care of the tasks at hand! And I will set procrastination packing! It is helpful to write it out, since it shows me how powerless it truly is. And for that, I am grateful!
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